Four years later, on October 19, 2013, that Animation Manager with whom I share almost the same name, became my husband – on a beach in Puerto Plata in front of our family and friends. My parents walked me down the sandy aisle to the sounds of my brother, Brian and my cousin, Ginny, performing Rascall Flatts’ “God Blessed the Broken Road” and I remember thinking, oh I should hurry up and walk faster, before he changes his mind!!
Between April 2009 and our wedding date, I made 16 trips to the island to spend time with Joan and his family and friends…sometimes for quick trips, sometimes for extended stays, but the time was never long enough. I began to pick up some beginner Spanish so I could communicate with his parents and his siblings (he has 6 brothers and sisters as well as 4 first cousins who were raised as siblings) and nieces and nephews.
I became obsessed with all things dominican…and was like a sponge soaking up all the information I could find about its history and politics and geography and culture. I learned the word “sanky” for the first time. Sanky is a word that is used to describe a person from the DR who pretends to fall in love with a foreigner in order to obtain financial favours or a ticket out of the DR from that person. Everyone and their dog had an opinion about my relationship. I remember my cousin stopping me outside Tim Horton’s one day and asking me, “couldn’t you find a man around here?”. Um, excuse me? Is that how love is supposed to work? I’m supposed to look all around my town and pick the one that best suits from this limited geographical area? I’m not supposed to find someone who stirs my soul and challenges me to be a better person? Someone who matches my heart on family and faith and charity and all the things that matter? It was a frustrating time and I learned to be silent; rarely speaking about my relationship unless asked directly. It sucked finding the one person you KNOW you’re supposed to build a life with and yet feeling like I wasn’t allowed to shout it from the rooftops because, without knowing him, everyone was judging him.
Two of my colleagues once went to the local appliance store where the manager, who I had never met before, laughed and joked and mocked me openly to them, asking them if they knew me and how stupid I was for getting involved with a sanky in the Dominican Republic.
The weight of that hurt, many of which was inflicted by well intentioned people in my life who claimed to be “looking out for me”, still weighs heavy on my heart. I was denied the freedom to be happy and giddy in love; instead having to feel like it was something I needed to hide. I didn’t want to hide it…but everyone had such hurtful and mean things to say that I simply couldn’t handle it. Again my anxiety and depression reared its ugly head and was at an all time high.
Meanwhile, Joan was being so completely open with me about his life and his family and his friends…knowing how the outside world might view our relationship. In the DR, we lived in this little bubble, enabling us to get to know each other on such a deep level; and striving always to ensure that we simply didn’t know vacation versions of each other.
It took Joan a long time to tell me he loved me. You see, that’s such a common, sanky thing to do; meet a woman and five minutes later tell her you were in love with her. He waited literally years to tell me. But you know what? You can’t be halfway into a long-distance relationship. You’re either in or you’re out. And we were both in from the very beginning. I knew he loved me.
On one visit, I broke a tooth and needed to go to the dentist. Joan took me to his dentist, a very lovely lady who was so very kind to me. The tooth was beyond repair and needed to be removed. I had never had an extraction before (not even wisdom teeth!) and I wasn’t the biggest fan of dentists. As she used all her might to take the tooth, Joan had to hold me down on the dentist’s chair, with tears streaming down his face. I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, in that moment, that he would love me forever.
In May of 2013, on the beach at Playa Caleton, Joan and I made plans to become husband and wife. We called my parents and my brother and my friends Jody and Tanya (she’s our sisterwife, but you’ll hear all about that another day hahah). In the end, 26 of my family and friends from Canada & the US came and 45 of his family and friends came from across the island to celebrate what we’d found in each other.
Against all odds we had found each other. My first cousin, Sandy (who is a sweet soul and embodies all that is good from our family tree), told me to block out everyone elses voice and listen only to ourselves. And that’s what we did. How did I know that Joan was “the one”? Was he kind and thoughtful and patient and smart? Yes. He was also ambitious and driven and hard working and protective and spiritual and challenged me to be the best version of myself. But I still knew he was it for me not because of anything he said or did or was…but because of how *I* was in our relationship. For the first time in a long time, I found myself…and I didn’t know I was lost. Joan is by and far the best thing that has ever happened to me.
Our wedding took place on such a beautiful Saturday afternoon. All of our guests stayed with us at our resort. He had his brother, Leonardo, as Best Man and I had my cousin, Shannon, as Matron of Honour. Two of his childhood best friends, Alberto and Kelvin, and his neighbour, Addison, who is like a son to Joan, served as his groomsmen. Our sisterwife, Tanya and my cousins Shelley & Taylor served as my bridesmaids. My brother Brian and cousin Ginny provided music. My cousin Jamie and his sister Domini did readings. My Uncle Al did the toast to the bride. And then we danced and sang kareoke and ate Italian food all night long! Our party continued at the beach bar until 5am!!
It was made extra special when my Uncle Al gave me my grandmother’s wedding rings to use in our ceremony and now I wear them proudly every day as a symbol of our love…and that of my paternal grandparents.
I know most of this is interesting only to us so I should share a few of the funny stories from that day too! Joan went home the night before our wedding to make sure everyone was ready to come to check into the hotel the following morning; that they knew where to go and all that! But, what he didn’t foresee was the lack of accommodation at home!! His family had arrived at the family home in order to travel together to the wedding the next day and there was not a bed or a couch to spare!! Even floor space was taken up!! So on the night before his wedding, my sweet husband, had to sleep in the car in the garage!!
At our resort, they would only serve beer or wine in the reception space. If our guests wanted hard liquor, they would have to go downstairs to the public bars to order there. So we bought our own supply of rum, vodka and whiskey for our guests to drink. At one point in the night, Tanya came up to me and said, they’re not putting any alcohol into the drinks!! As this alcohol purchased was her gift to us, she was appalled that the hotel was trying to fool us, thinking the guests wouldn’t be able to tell! Turns out, some thirsty staff members were making off with quite a heist! But thanks be to Tanya and our on site wedding planner, everything was rectified in record time…and our pina coladas packed a wallop!
One thing that Joan was insistent upon at our wedding was music. Instead of the hotel-provided DJ, he wanted to hire a local DJ instead. Marriage is all about give and take so of course, if that’s what he wanted, that’s what we got. Problem was, the local DJ didn’t have ONE English song in his repertoire and dancing the meringue all night long wasn’t exactly fun for my family! Dear husband saved the day by coming up with the hotel’s stash of kareoke CDs and our event quickly turned into the kareoke event of the year! Talented family and friends sang us songs in English and Spanish all night long…putting the cherry on top of a wonderful day.
Wait til you hear about our different kind of honeymoon!!
Dandelion Wishes 