On June 14, 2009, less than two months after my original trip to the Dominican Republic, I returned to the island with my friend Flora. You hear people say that the islands called to them, but I didn’t believe that was possible until the cries were deafening. I had given my head the stern lecture, demanding it allow my heart to rule during my tenure in the DR, and now I was unable to do anything else.
In the seven weeks since I’d left, much had changed. Thanks to one of the girls that worked for Joan, I was able to get in touch with him and we began to have msn dates!! Now, for those of you who don’t remember the early days of internet chatting, before unlimited texting and snapping and tweeting became a thing, if we wanted to have real time conversations with people, outside of a phone call (which were insanely expensive between our two countries), we had to meet on the MSN instant messenger app! Joan would go to the lobby of the hotel where he worked and meet me to chat. I thought it would be weird or awkward since, let’s be realistic, we didn’t really know each other and we hadn’t even attempted to exchange contact info before I’d left. But, we very quickly settled into conversation and I wound up counting the minutes to those few short hours a day that we could talk. That progressed to texting and then phone calls. And by the time June rolled around, I was 100% in love with him and knew that my original deductions about him were bang on.
Flora and I flew to Puerto Plata on a Sunday, which happens to be his day off. So we had made arrangements for him to come pick us up that very afternoon. He called me at the resort in the late afternoon to say that he was very sorry, but he was at home in his own city and that it would not be possible for him to come to the hotel that day. I immediately saw red. “Are you kidding me?” I asked. “I’ve traveled how many thousands of miles to see you and you won’t come the 30 minutes down the road to see me??”. He apologized profusely but assured me he would see me the next day and suggested I show Flora around the hotel and introduce her to everyone. Thanks. That’s mighty kind of you. For a fleeting second I wondered if I’d gotten it wrong.
Flora and I settled into the hotel, had dinner and a few drinks, then went to the show that night. Afterwards, Flora was exhausted and went to bed but two of the girls from the animation team asked me if I wanted to go out for a drink. As we exited the hotel and walked around the corner to the street, a parked car suddenly turned on its lights, blinding all three of us. Then the driver’s door opened and a man got out and started walking towards us, his features hidden by the lights’ glare. My fight or flight instincts kicked in and I immediately turned around to hightail it back to the hotel!!! I mean, seriously, we were in a foreign country, off resort, late at night!! But the girls just laughed and turned me back around…and Joan Ortega appeared in front of me. For a moment the entire world slipped away and he kissed me for the first time, in the middle of the street, with the car headlights as backdrop. I hadn’t gotten it wrong.
Joan worked in the hotel industry long enough to notice trends and he knew very well that a first time traveler to the resort would want to take a peek around, see what the resort had to offer, have a few drinks then have an early night, the first night. So he wanted Flora to be able to experience all of that and get some rest for the week ahead…which is why he stayed away until that night. Always thoughtful, always the consummate host, always thinking of ways to make everyone feel at ease.
That night we went to an outdoor “disco” in Joan’s hometown of Gaspar Hernandez. The music was all meringue and bachata; the words were all in Spanish; the drinks were tasty and the company was amazing. I had wondered how we would transition from connected and friendly on the first trip, to deep conversations where we truly saw ourselves together as a couple on the phone, to real life partners. And, in the end, it was a seamless transition. It was as if we had always been together. Like all was right with the world now that our brains and our hearts had finally found each other. So surreal and seems like something one would learn in hindsight…but I kept journals and even at the time, he felt like home. And I didn’t know til I found him that I’d been looking for home.
That trip flew by in a flash and I was in agony at the thought of leaving, but Joan started a tradition that would be ours until he finally came home to Nova Scotia 7 years later. He would kiss me goodbye, then with no sadness, no mushiness, he would say, “If you don’t leave, how can you come back to me?”. Something we repeated each and every time I had to leave. Flora, too, fell under his spell and recognized how much he loved me. Really. He wouldn’t say it for quite some time but even she saw it. And that solidified my belief in him even more. I arrived home and my parents asked me, “how was your trip?” and my response was, “I’m going to marry that man”.
When I booked a solo trip for the end of August, no one was surprised. But many were frightened for me! Traveling to a foreign country on my own to meet up with a man who I had only ever spent two weeks, in person, with! But my parents were fully supportive and knew that I wouldn’t be going if I didn’t feel safe (I mean, come on, this is me, I’m a pansy under normal circumstances!!)
I arrived at the resort to discover that Joan was the Assistant Manager that week, which meant he had a lot more responsibility than he usually did. So that made me a little nervous. I wondered how we would find time to spend together and wondered what I would do to occupy the time that he was busy! But I needn’t have worried because of course he had thought of that! Remember how I said he had 6 brothers and sisters, plus 4 more who were raised as siblings? Well Joan arranged for his brother, Leonardo, and his cousin, Kachi, to come to the hotel to spend time with me. The only obstacle was the language barrier!! Thankfully Kachi spoke a little English. I remember playing game after game of pool (very badly) with them and trying to have conversations, together with some charades, in order to communicate! It actually made me relax a bit to discover that his family was having the exact same issues that my family and friends were having. I was asked the questions: what are your intentions with my brother? If this works out, will you come to live here or will you expect him to immigrate? You know, he is the youngest and my parents would find it difficult to have him that far away.
Those difficult conversations with Leo & Kachi helped dust the pixie dust off this relationship and bring it squarely into the realm of reality!! How was this ever going to work? I didn’t know how or when but I knew that wherever Joan was, that’s where I was going to be too. Joan managed to get a day off, a couple of days into my trip, and we set off for him hometown. He showed me his neighbourhood and his high school and where he hung out. I got to go watch him play a soccer game (although I have learned to call it football!) and we had the opportunity to spend time with his family, which only endeared him to me even more!
Joan’s Mom, Ana Mercedes, was a tiny, feisty, beautiful, strong, intelligent, driven woman who raised a bunch of kids, some of which were her own, in the house she bought with her lottery winnings (winning on the number five, by the way!). By the time I met her, dementia was beginning but she was so incredibly sweet. From the very first minute, I belonged!! She would always ask me when I had to leave and shake her head, sadly, “oh no, no, no” and offer for me to come and live with them. A kinder woman simply doesn’t exist on this planet. Joan’s Dad, Coli (which is a nickname meaning little bird) is tough as nails, with a big booming laugh and a smile for days. He calls me Joanna and thinks if he speaks slowly and louder that I will understand his Spanish. He spent time around English speaking construction workers so he, himself, does understand a few things here and there, and his methods, surprisingly, sometimes work!! He welcomed me into his home and his heart and he has had my back from day one!
Joan’s family home is on the hillside above the city of Gaspar Hernandez. His brother Leo lives with his family directly behind the family home while the rest of the family is spread far and wide (as far as Germany and New York City). But in Gaspar Hernandez, much like in Nova Scotia, it isn’t simply blood that makes you family. The neighbourhood around the family home is filled with multi generational families. Our groomsman Alberto lives there with his wife and kids, including triplets!! Our groomsman Kelvin also lives close by with his family. And many of the young boys in the neighbourhood have looked up to Joan as a father figure forever. He spends time with them and helps them when he can and tries to support them in their growth to young adults. Three of them, in a particular way, are truly like his own sons. We call them “our boys” and my life is much fuller to have three sons…Addison, Eval (whose real name is Isaac) and Gabriel. They’re all men these days, who tower over me!! But when I first met them they were little boys. Their simpler language enabled me to understand them first and so they became my translators with everyone else!! They would play dominoes with me and teach me how! Dominoes are a very serious business in the DR so it says a lot that they would teach me AND play with me because I was hopeless! But I’m better now! hahah
Now, those of you who know me know that I am completely phobic about bugs. I am a townie through and through and simply can’t grow accustomed to bugs in my own country, let alone in another! At least here in Canada, I recognize what bugs will bite or can hurt me! In the DR, I had no idea…and in the heat? All the bugs grow to be supersized!!! And what do little boys love more than bugs? I remember walking down the street with Eval and him saying, “Jo Ann, look at this!” and opening his hands to show the biggest, roundest brown bug that I had ever seen!! I have no idea what it was but I shrieked, the kids laughed and then that became the best game around! How can we scare Jo Ann! Those little boys wiggled their way into my heart and opened up pieces of me that I didn’t know existed! Their love and devotion to Joan, which also extended to me as his girlfriend, made me love Joan even more! What kind of a man makes another man’s children his priority? A good one does.
In November of 2009, Tanya was my partner in crime! Tanya was the other amazing thing to come out of me attending Cohen’s Christmas party the year before! I met her that night and she is now family. That November trip was so fun…we swam and we drank and we danced and we laughed!! One morning, when Tanya was still sleeping, I came into our room at the resort, trying to be as quiet as I could! BUT the DR has more than bugs…they also have these little teeny tiny frogs that seem to fly (because they can jump really really far!!) and they are sticky! So, if one happens to connect with you mid-jump, it might get tangled in your hair. And one of those frogs was looking up at me as soon as I opened the door! SHRIEK!!! Poor Tanya jumped straight up in bed as I dashed for the shelter of the bathroom, hollering that someone was going to have to do something about that frog!! LOL Tanya didn’t get mad or say a word other than, “I guess by someone you mean me”. She laughed and got rid of Mr. Frog and then we had an early start to our day!!
Tanya spent so much time with us, getting to meet Joan’s family and friends and neighbours! Very close to the resort, Joan’s cousin who they aptly refer to as “Primo” (meaning cousin in Spanish), lives and allows staff to have bonfires on his property. We would go there and cook and tell stories and just have normal fun times with our friends. It was so hard to be normal in such a fairy tale world we were living in. But we forced ourselves cause we knew how unlikely it was that we would work out at all…but even less likely if we didn’t know the good, the bad and the ugly about each other!
On this November farewell, Joan told Tanya he loved her. I was like, are you freaking kidding me??? I have been in love with this man from the moment I laid eyes on him and he is telling Tanya he loves her before me???? However, he then followed it up with, “like a toothache”, leaving us in gales of laughter and setting the stage for a beautiful three pronged friendship that would endure forever.
Coming up next…Joan meets my immediate family!
Dandelion Wishes 