I was in a real, live Hallmark movie last weekend. Well, I guess not REALLY. There were no camera crews or Hollywood starlets but it sure felt like one from start to finish!
I graduated from St.F.X. university in Antigonish, Nova Scotia – a couple of times actually; but the degree that means the most to me is the one I earned next to my two best friends from university, Terri & Tracey. They’re the girls who were privy to the late night shenanigans; the girls I saw every single day; who I studied with and dreamed with and made plans with. The girls who single handedly made my experience at X a pretty spectacular one!
Over the years we have tried to stay in touch. Tracey went off to tour the world, finding a husband and 2 adorable kids along the way before settling in wine country in Ontario. Terri found a husband, a first career, three amazing kids, a new St.F.X. degree and a new career just up the road in Pictou County. I went to grad school in Ontario then back home, which turned into a bazillion trips to the DR and working like a dog in between and then my Mom got sick. So we haven’t had a lot of time to actually spend with each other and at various points in our lives, we actually never imagined we would ever want to be part of anything formal to do with St.F.X. homecoming!
But time and distance brings a different perspective…and the pandemic brought us zoom calls…and lo and behold we found ourselves registered for our 20th anniversary at Homecomeing 2023!
We made the plan that we would make it a girls weekend and throw ourselves into it wholeheartedly! Tracey flew in Friday morning and she & Terri arrived to pick me up late afternoon Friday. Off to registration at the Keating Centre (still hard for us old fogies to not call it the Millennium Centre as it was known back then) where we had our first taste of what was to come! We were warmly welcomed by the homecoming committee members and encouraged to participate in all of the weekend’s activities. The golden anniversary class was already having the first of their 50th gatherings for the weekend and a couple of them stopped to chat with us…feeling that sense of camaraderie and belonging that goes along with being X alumni. I’d never felt that before.
To be honest, I had such an incredibly jaded view of Homecoming…and from multiple perspectives. As an Antigonisher who has lived through the last 5 or 6 years of X homecoming as a resident, I have been horrified by the behavior of party goers. Busloads of students coming in from neighbouring universities to join current students in ‘unsanctioned homecoming activities’ for the weekend…so incredibly intoxicated that they have taken over entire streets; have vomited and urinated all over Main Street in the middle of the day; and had such massive off campus parties that motorists didn’t even feel safe driving by, let alone the poor people who actually lived closed by who had to deal with the ruckus!! Our town has been vandalized and left to deal with the bodily fluids and trash. And it has left such a sour taste in so many mouths.
The other perspective about homecoming I guess is not so different…because I was an Antigonisher, I never felt that sense of belonging at X that so many others talk about. I didn’t feel particularly welcome. I didn’t feel like I was part of the whole historical significance of X. I didn’t ever feel like part of the alumni at all. In fact, it was only in recent years that an Antigonish chapter of alumni was formed – and I’m not sure it’s still in existence. When I saw there was an Antigonish chapter forming, I emailed, but never ever heard back. Why do we need an alumni chapter when stuff happens right here, I guess? Anyway, because I never felt a part of things back then, I never dreamt I would feel a part of things 20 years later…homecoming, in my mind (besides being about the massive gross parties) was for those that came to X from away and threw themselves into sports or student government who made all their best friends there. They’d come “home” to X for a boozy weekend of fun where they get to relive their glory days.
And yet, there I was.
We decided to hit up The Brownstone for dinner before heading back to our accommodations. We had such a glorious catch up…hearing all the nitty gritty details of the day to day life that we never seem to have time to get around to sharing when husbands and kids are in tow or when the clock is ticking. It was almost sad to have to rush back to the house to get changed and dressed for our evening. But off we went to our Taps & Tasting event. The band The Eastenders were playing and oh my lordy could they play! They took all the classic rock and pop songs of the last few decades and infused them with a Celtic flair…it was amazing! We tasted a variety of local beers and wines, while meeting alumni who had come home to X from all across North America! At 11pm when it was over, we laughed as we were grateful for the early night albeit a little shocked given what we thought homecoming was all about!!
Saturday there were a variety of events but we chose to hang out and visit with each other before heading to the football game at 2. My cousin Gene came to visit and brought us some beverages to celebrate homecoming and that started off such a day of fun! I hadn’t been to a football game in decades despite living within walking distance for all but 2 years of my life! The stands were pretty full and it was pouring rain so we made our way to the covered beer tent where we splashed in the mud with alumni of all ages!
We ran into my friend Danny Gillis who embodies the very essence of what it means to be a Xaverian; he lives his life in service to others, particularly the poor and disenfranchised from developing nations around the world in his work with Development and Peace. He has strong ties to his Celtic roots and has shared his music and leadership skills with our annual Highland Games forever. And he blended both of those things when he wrote his book, Where The Rivers Meet, which, to borrow words from the author, addresses the impact of racism towards a marginalized minority in rural Nova Scotia in the 60s. His addition to our Homecoming Day was icing on the cake!
With him was my grade 7 English teacher, Bernie Gillis. I was immediately awkward when I saw him because a couple of years prior, I had decided to write to my three favourite junior high/high school teachers to thank them for being so kind and inspiring to me and Bernie was one of them. I wanted him to know that being the teacher who always paid attention to the individual needs of his students was an incredible legacy to leave behind. I wanted him to know that his perspective on fiction inspired me to read anything and everything I could get my hands on. I wanted him to know that I went on to an English degree because in grade 7, a teacher gave a sensitive kid the means to escape into a good book…and maybe created a bit of a grammar monster in the process haha. But wanting him to know those things and having to see him in person were two very different things! He immediately mentioned it and told me how nice it was to receive that letter, out of the blue and genuinely thanked me for sending it. Despite being a little embarrassed, it made me feel good that it was received in the same spirit of gratitude in which it was written. Another homecoming feel good moment!
I ran into my old neighbour Robert Cameron at the game as well – where we all tend to have in-depth conversation haha in the line up to the portapotties!! It’d been a really long time since I’d seen him and only had a brief conversation but it was a good reminder to me of the value of old friendships and family connections. He lived a street away and his uncle was my Godfather. I’ve said this before on here but it’s so true and such a lesson…when people know you when you’re young, there’s something special about revisiting that when you’re not so young anymore. It’s a neighbourhood tie that binds over and above the Xaverian tie. As Antigonishers who also attended St.F.X., it’s such a blessing when you find a friendly face that understands the St.F.X. stuff of it all, but also really gets the whole townie versus soupie thing and all that brings (if ya know, ya know).
After the game, we raced home to get cleaned up for the big banquet! When we arrived at the Keating Centre, we felt like rock stars! The glitz and the glamour beckoned and I swear you wouldn’t have even recognized the building, it looked so fancy!! As we mingled with fellow alumni, I found myself having almost an out of body experience haha. Seriously, in the midst of hundreds of people, I was reflecting on the HUGE difference in what I thought homecoming was and what homecoming actually is. I looked around the room at the others who derived such meaning from this event and suddenly it dawned on me, this wasn’t a meet n greet with strangers. This was like when I was an exchange student in Belgium and all the kids from Common Wealth countries found each other and formed an immediate bond with a weird sense of belonging that none of us had ever contemplated before. We had a shared bond due to the Common Wealth, imagine! And there in the middle of the mixer, I realized, everyone in that room has a shared bond due to our brief few years in that exact location when we were young!
When I was a student I didn’t feel like I belonged. In fact, I felt the exact opposite. I felt like I was an intruder in just about every single second of my time there until my second degree. But 20 years later, with the wisdom of time and distance and the lens of nostalgia, that sense of belonging finally came. It healed something in me that I didn’t realize needed to be healed!
We wound up at Table 1 in the front corner of the room, with a half a dozen others who we met for the first time that night. But we had an absolute ball! We ate terrible food, watched presentations of fellow Xaverians doing good things in the world and even created our own dance floor in the corner (before they opened up the main dance floor!).
Over the evening, I met lots of people and reconnected with others. My old friend Tracey Granville who I hadn’t seen since St.F.X. days. We’d grown up together and were Pathfinders together (it’s okay if you don’t know what that is, it’s what comes after Girl Guides and while yes, it might be dorky, we did so many amazing things together!!). We shared foolish stories and mini updates on where and what we are doing now. We hoped we’d get to chat later but at an event of that size, it didn’t turn out to happen. But we’ve connected and will again!! I also ran into my cousin Erin Stoqua-Tierney who was home from Ottawa for the event. We didn’t hang out at St.F.X. as we were in different programs and different circles but catching up with her, even briefly, was such a heartwarming part of my weekend.
I think maybe I had a How the Grinch Stole Christmas moment…I felt myself becoming kinder and nicer and seeing the world through a little bit clearer of a lens. All because of homecoming.
Terri, Tracey and i finished off our night at my brother, Brian England’s, gig at The Antigonish Legion. They were just about to wrap it up for the night when we brought our homecoming party to them hahaha. I’m sure we made quite an entrance…but those who were there did get up and dance with us and the party continued!! My niece Max was bartending and I don’t think knew quite what to make of the old dolls…but we had so much fun!
It was a tearful goodbye to Terri & Tracey Sunday morning. Cause we don’t know when we will get together again. Well, yes, in 5 years for our 25th, but we don’t know if or when before that we can gather. It feels so good to have friends out there in the universe who love you and support you and get you and are constant. For decades. And we have St.F.X. to thank for that.
So, it enrages me now to hear people diss homecoming. Alumni called selfish online for wanting to have a homecoming. People calling for it to be banned. I am reformed now that I’ve actually participated!! What do any of the insane parties or crowds or vandalism or public drunkenness have to do with homecoming? Why is homecoming blamed when these crowds of 20 somethings decide to party on homecoming weekend? St.F.X. is already booked up hosting hundreds of alumni. They don’t have the capacity to ALSO have something for the current students. Current students have any number of weekends and events dedicated to them.
Homecoming, for me, was an extraordinary weekend of laughter, nostalgia, shenanigans, friendship, belonging, kindness and hope. Of building connections to bring the true Xaverian spirit even further out into the world. To be the beacons of light we are called to be. To live out our motto of Whatsoever Things Are True…and what is true is that homecoming is FAR more than one heckuva party (til 11pm each night, remember, cause who are we kidding, we’re not 20 anymore). It’s a celebration of who we were once and how far we’ve come. And it’s a challenge to see how much further we can go. I hope you all take a chance sometime to participate in a homecoming, even if you think, like I used to, that it’s simply not your thing. Cause it was nothing like I thought it would be. And everything I needed it to be. Thank you Andy Hakin and your Homecoming committees. You did a wonderful job and gave us a Hallmark-y weekend! It was so great to meet you all and I can’t wait to see you all again for our 25th. Til then, hail and health
Dandelion Wishes 