God blessed the broken road

By the time February 2010 came around, I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I was going to spend my life with Joan and had started making plans to ensure that happened. I had spent time with him in April, June, September, November…and then it was finally time. Time for what, you ask? For my parents to meet their future son-in-law! My parents were snowbirds, spending winters in Zephyrhills, Florida, and made arrangements to fly to the Dominican Republic via Miami. I was already in the DR, anxiously preparing for their arrival!!

Now, a little backstory. In my household growing up, my mother ruled the roost! In fact, Dad had this one friend, AJ, who used to call and ask if the boss was home…and we would always pass the phone to Mom!! She was head nurse in Outpatients and then became our region’s very first Occupational Health and Safety Nurse Manager. She volunteered for every activity my brother and I were involved in – from church events to swim team to Girl Guides. She was very heavily involved in her own extracurricular activities – woodworking, carving, quilting, rug hooking, Catholic Health Association, Development and Peace, etc. Totally type A personality and we hustled to keep up! She freely shared her thoughts and opinions and was difficult to impress. Dad, on the other hand, moved through life at my speed! He worked hard and ran our family’s asphalt paving business for many years, inspiring incredible loyalty in his employees (many of whom would still come running if he called). He spent his outside of work time mostly with the Kinsmen Club; an organization that raises money for a wide variety of causes. I worked for my Dad right up until our family business closed. So he was my Dad, but also my boss, my mentor and my friend. I was nervous about Joan meeting them, but mostly I was nervous that my Mom would have an issue or two, never dreaming my Dad would have anything to say at all!

Boy, was I wrong.

Joan and I went to the airport to pick Mom and Dad up for their stay and before we ever left the parking lot at the airport, Joan had charmed my mother and worked his way into her heart!! My Dad? Well he was very, very quiet.

All resort employees were on ‘high alert’ as they knew Joan’s potential future inlaws were coming to meet him for the first time. Their check in was flawless; their room was spectacular; the attention paid to them by wait staff and bartenders and entertainment staff was second to none!!

At dinner that night, Dad was still quiet, just taking it all in. There is always a little bit of a lull between dinner and the nightly entertainment. So Joan came back to our table and asked, “Hey Carson, do you play pool?” indicating he would love to play a game with him. Dad’s one syllable response, “NOPE”, surprised all of us. Joan just looked at me as if to say, “I am trying!!”.

The following day, Joan and I took Mom and Dad, together with our friend Tanya, to La Boca. It is a restaurant, right on the water, where the river meets the Atlantic that has, quite possibly, the very best seafood known to humanity! In order to get there, you drive along an all-sand roadway, through the swaying palm trees, until you can only see the wide open ocean in front of you! There is a fairly decent sized shack where the food is cooked over an open flame (you can actually go in to the barbecue area to watch how it is prepared if you like)…they cook what they catch! So, you will often see a little rowboat out on the river, fishing, then racing back to throw it on the flames! They offer all different kinds of seafood, made to order.

Joan’s favourite dish at La Boca has always been crabs. The crabs in the Dominican Republic are a little bit different than what we are accustomed to in Nova Scotia. Here, we mainly eat the large legs of the crab, discarding the bodies. There, they eat the bodies and the small legs! They come served on a big platter and Joan can polish the whole thing off himself! This day, however, he ordered the fish, the same as the rest of us! He was so nervous he could barely eat! Mom had her very first Coco Loco, which is a drink made with dominican rum, fruit punch and the fresh coconut milk; and served in the coconut! We ate until we were stuffed, finished our drinks and took advantage of the beautiful location to take lots of pictures!! Yet my Dad had still not warmed to Joan.

For me, it was so nice to sit by the water, eating amazing food with some of the most important people in my life! Dad was beginning to relax a little bit. Mom was totally relaxed…which may or may not have been helped by the addition of the Coco Loco! haha But poor Joan was stressed to the max, trying to be a gracious host and trying to impress the parents of the woman he intended to spend his life with. His biggest worry (which was absolutely UNFOUNDED) was that they would think he was not good enough for me. That makes my heart break all over again just to type that!

That same night, we were all gathered in the sports bar at the resort and my mother was complimenting Joan on his beautiful long, curly hair (for those of you who know him now, that might come as a surprise! But when I first met him, his hair was shoulder length, cascading curls!). Dad’s response, “Yeah, he needs to cut his damn hair”. Dad!!! Joan felt defeated; that nothing could make my Dad warm up to him.

On the Saturday of their visit, Mom, Dad, Joan, Tanya & I piled in the car to go to Gaspar Hernandez, Joan’s home town. There, my parents met Joan’s Mom and Dad; his brother, Leo, his sister Judi; several nieces and, of course, “our boys”. Thinking back on that day still brings a smile to my face…my parents were so happy to meet Joan’s parents and vice versa! My parents were immediately welcomed into this family and this community and Joan’s Dad made them promise to come back some day and stay right there at the house with them! A warmer welcome could not exist!

Then the whole lot of us took off for Playa Grande! Now, Playa Grande translates into Big Beach, and that does nothing to describe the absolute, breathtaking beauty of this beach. Golden sand stretches out for miles, as the warm, blue water laps the shore. To get to the water, you walk over 300 metres to the water, from the shade of the swaying tropical trees. At the base of the trees, we set up our beach base…with local workers bringing tables and chairs and beach loungers! The entire group of us feasted on the beach — fresh fish or chicken, served with rice and fried plantains. The domino board was freed from the trunk of a car and the matches began, while conversations, laden with charades, were undertaken to intertwine the Canadians with the Dominicans!

As I took a step back and looked over the scene, my heart was so full…watching my parents meet and fall in love with my Dominican family and vice versa! How was my Dad in this scenario, after giving Joan such a hard time all week? Well, let’s rewind to the drive from Gaspar Hernandez to Playa Grande! hahaha If any of you have ever been to the Dominican Republic, you will be aware of the vast amounts of “motoconches” that exist – motorbikes that are used as public transit or for personal use; they scooch in and out of traffic, sometimes with 4 or 5 people on one bike; sometimes carrying chickens or a pig or I’ve even seen them carrying a long pole (with one person on a bike holding one end and another, on another bike, holding the other end!). These motoconches pay not one lick of attention to rules of the road or safety or anything at all, really! In addition to that, regular vehicle drivers have few rules that are enforced either! Pass on a solid line? Sure. Around a corner? Why not? Cut people off left, right and centre? Par for the course! Joan was very proud to be able to take my family in his car to the beach and had Dad sit in the front seat with him, hoping to be able to win him over en route! That plan went decidedly off course before we ever left the city limits! A car pulled out to pass Joan, then motoconches whipped around behind that car, startling the car driver, who slammed on their brakes, causing Joan to slam on HIS brakes…we stopped about 1/2 an inch from the bumper of the car in front of us! My father, a seasoned driver himself, had the blood drain entirely from his head and we thought he was going to pass out!! He spent the rest of the drive, cross as a bear, with smoke coming from his ears but stayed utterly silent. When we reached the beach, he very quickly exited the car and gratefully plunked into a lounger on the beach, away from the crowd.

Joan and my Dad had reached an impasse. Joan had done everything in his power to make the Englands experienced wonderful and had been foiled at every turn by the walls my Dad had in place. Dad was wrestling with some pretty big emotions of his own…but we wouldn’t know that until long after we all were home in Canada. Tanya to the rescue! She was able to bridge the distance and encourage both sides back to the table…if, for nothing else, because they both loved ME!

In the midst of this international summit, lol, another crises was emerging!! For all it’s beauty, there is a price…and that price is strong currents. My sweet Mama and I had gone for a walk on the beach with Joan’s sister, Judi, when Mom waded into the waters, still carrying a coco loco! In an instant, she was thrashing, trying to regain her balance in the water, but to no avail!! Before I could even react, out of NOWHERE, Leonardo Ortega, Joan’s brother, comes to the rescue! With one sweep of his arm, he had her and pulled her to safety on the beach! She owes her life to him…and she was very proud of herself and credited her MacDonald reflexes for having not lost her drink!!!

Finally, our time together came to an end and Joan & I took Mom& Dad to the airport to catch their return flight to Miami. On the half an hour ride, Mom and Dad sat in the back (after the beach day, Dad refused to sit in the front in the DR ever again! hah) and Dad was in the best cheer he’d been in all week! He was engaged in conversation and even brought up the stories of SHOOTING POOL in the gas station back home in Mulgrave as a boy…I flipped around and looked directly at my Dad and said “are you freaking kidding me????” Joan looked at me like OH MY GOD WHAT MORE COULD I HAVE POSSIBLY DONE FOR HIM TO LIKE ME??? And just like that, they were on their way; the meeting only partially successful and not at ALL as I had anticipated!!

For those of you wondering what led to these very out of character outbursts from my Dad? Well…remember, I said he was more than my Dad; he’s my boss, my mentor, my friend. Joan was more than just a boyfriend by this point; he was the man I knew I was going to marry (even though Joan didn’t know it yet hahah). He was also the man that lived thousands of miles away. And this Daddy wanted his Daddy’s girl to always live close by…so was absolutely terrified that my finding my match meant he was losing his girl! Cue the waterworks! Thankfully, he didn’t lose his girl…he gained another son! And I can happily report that Dad and Joan share more than just a father-in-law to son-in-law relationship; they are true friends and my heart couldn’t be happier about it!

Two months later on what was the one year mark of our meeting, my brother, Brian, our very good friend Allan and I went back to the DR. Brian had heard all the stories of Mom & Dad’s adventures in DR and needed to meet him for himself. On our direct to Puerto Plata flight, we were served champagne even though it was 7am. Brian & Allan sweet talked the flight attendant and we were served several rounds of said champagne! Upon arrival, I took them to get the big beers they sell at the airport, for the drive on the shuttle bus to the resort! Upon arrival, once again, Joan had made arrangements for his guests to be treated as VIP…which, this time around, meant lots of drinks, lots of attention and by 3pm, yes PM, Brian was down for the count!

The boys finally met Joan the next day when we picked them up from the resort to take them to Playa Grande, too! The hot April sun beat down on all of us…and our glasses were never allowed to be half empty before Joan topped them up. Now, remember, by this time Joan and I had known each other for a year; and this was our seventh trip together, of varying lengths; and in a long distance relationship, either you’re in or you’re out! So we had been all in, officially, since June of the year before.

I challenge anyone with brothers to imagine what comes next. Too much sun. Too much alcohol. I come back from a swim to hear Brian questioning Joan, saying “how do we know that as soon as Jo Ann leaves, you’re not welcoming another tourist into your life?” and “how many tourists have your lines worked on?” and flat out, “what are your intentions with my sister?”. I IMMEDIATELY saw red. If this was a year prior then I would understand but we were now a year in and I was offended on Joan’s behalf; I recognized how exasperating it is to deal with outsiders trash talking your relationship (remember the story of the appliance store manager? grrr) and I had never gotten a say in any of Brian’s relationships before, so why was he entitled to have a say in mine?

Time has a wonderful way of working out the rough edges…like the water at the beach does to beach glass. Now, I look back, fondly, and see a brother being protective of his only sister; looking out for her best interests and making sure she wasn’t being played. Joan, for his part, was incredibly understanding and answered every single question as thoroughly as he could, even though he didn’t owe anyone an explanation. It showed me how much Joan respected Brian and his opinion of him and that made me love him even more. And it also makes me admire Brian more, knowing that he was so concerned for my happiness!

When there wasn’t a leg left to stand on at the beach, Joan announced it was departure time…I was still more than a little on the cranky side and was looking forward to getting back to the resort. But, no. Joan had other plans. You see, while we were drinking all afternoon at the beach, Joan’s family was busy making preparations for us for dinner! I did my best to get us out of it…there is no way any of us is in any shape to be around your family tonight!!! But no, Joan was insistent, claiming, everyone knows that tourists like to drink when they are here! Le sigh. Men.

We arrived at the house to see that it had turned into far more than just a family dinner! The entire community had come out to welcome my brother and friend into their midst!! Everyone was so nice and gracious and genuinely happy to see us…and when the night turned into a kareoke event, even too-much-alcohol-Brian wowed everyone with his vocal talents!!

Joan dropped us off at the resort and all three of us went our separate ways…I was still cranky about the interrogation and went to bed, expecting Brian & Allan did too. The following morning, I ran into Allan at breakfast, who asked if I’d seen Brian. “Nope, not since last night”. And Allan hadn’t either. Allan had left Brian at the sportsbar, on resort, the night before. My cold heart melted a little when I was worried maybe he had left the resort, given the amount of dominican rum in his system. So I went to his room and knocked on the door…BANG BANG BANG BANG. Nothing. No response. You could hear a pin drop in the building. No Brian.

I went into full blown panic mode at that point. I went back to Allan, who still hadn’t seen Brian (I thought maybe we just missed each other) and then turned to Joan’s staff to see when the last time any of them had seen him. One person thought he had connected with another group at the resort to hit up a bar down the street. Another said no, no, I think he went to bed! So, no one knew where he was. And I hadn’t seen him in about 14 hours. My mind immediately went to the hundreds of stories told by travelers who left the resort…tales of kidnap and assault…tales of hustling and theft. I felt wholeheartedly responsible for the well being of my only brother who had made this trip, solely for the purpose of meeting my love. Very quickly I reasoned in my brain that he was only looking out for me, I shouldn’t have been cross at him. Oh my god, what am I going to tell my parents??

Allan and I searched the resort and the beach. No one had seen him. Finally I decided I would try, in vain, I thought, one more time on his room door. BANG BANG BANG BANG. Groan. I HEARD A GROAN!!! Groan meant life. Life meant he was going to be okay. I start hollering his name and banging more on the door. Thud thud, shhhhhhhhhhh!!! And then the door swings open. My brother was standing there, in the clothes he’d worn the day before. Shoes still on. Hair standing straight up. Eyes so dehydrated that he couldn’t even blink. I could have kissed him!!!

He was shocked to see me looking so happy to see him!! But I was just so happy he was alive that the rest went out the window! Nothing that some water, tylenol and a good nap couldn’t cure! The saying of the week became, but was it sleep-with-your-shoes-on-all-night-fun?? That’s quite a yardstick to measure by!!

Before the week was out, Brian had redeemed himself entirely with a return trip to the beach when Joan’s sister, Domini and her family, came to visit! Thanks to Joan and Alberto, Joan’s friend who also speaks English, we were all able to have a fun day getting to know each other and having fun in the hot sun! By the end of his visit, Brian & Joan (and Allan too!) were fast friends and both were looking forward to hanging out again sometime soon!!!

The night Brian & Allan flew back to Canada, I spent the night at Joan’s family home. I remember just hanging out, listening to the men play dominoes and to the sounds of the cars whizzing by the front porch and the roosters crowing from everywhere…and it struck me that Joan had now met (some more successfully than others) the immediate family. There would be more to come, of course, but in that moment, even with the difficulties with my Dad…with a year under our belts, I felt a sense of peace that I’d never known before. I was on the right path…and suddenly the words to that Rascal Flatts song, “God blessed the broken road, that led me straight to you” rang out in my head….