In My Life…I Loved You More

“And I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I loved you more” The Beatles

Phew, it has been a long time since I posted!! Please forgive my absence but I had a LOT on the go the last six weeks! And in my hiatus from writing, I had a lot of time to simply ponder. One of my favourite professors from St.F.X. is a man by the name of Phil Milner and he had a very beautiful definition of poetry. Time has erased the bulk of it but it ended with the words, “recalled in tranquility”. I’ve often thought about those words…once all the emotion and drama and tears leaves a situation; when you’re sitting on your couch, deep in thought; just peacefully recalling the events of the past. That’s such a blessing of a place to find yourself! And that’s precisely where I’ve found myself the last six weeks or so!!

If anyone ever asks me about attending a reunion, I always have the same line: If I wanted to stay in touch with someone from high school, I probably did. I’m about ready to eat those words because August was such a month of reunion and recharging and revitalization and revisiting!! Had I not participated in these mini reunions, I would have missed out on the soul quenching moments shared with family and friends! When I sit on this side of 40, my perspective changes…and reunions have become far more attractive to me!!

When I graduated high school, way back when, I spent the following year traipsing around Europe, studying French and immersing myself in the beautiful Belgian culture. That meant, upon return home, that I was a year behind my high school classmates as I entered university. That was perfectly fine by me as some of my closest friends were a grade behind…so I got to start St.F.X. with them! There are so many memories of the fun and foolishness of our early 20s!! I think about the time Campus Police thought they were witnessing a marriage proposal outside Burke Hall or the ‘no shoes, no problem’ night on the way to Lane. I think about late night tutorials in the basement of the library and last minute cramming in the “jungle”.

I was incredibly insecure in my early 20s. Undiagnosed anxiety ruled my world. I didn’t know that, because of my anxiety, I saw and reacted to the world a lot differently. It was intense and dramatic and sometimes overwhelming. I don’t think I ever went to an event without being drunk. That will likely surprise those of you who know me today cause it is a very rare occasion I will take a drink now. That darkness combined with the chaos of that time period led me to put those years in a box and hide them away; in shame, in regret, not seeing them for the wonderful learning experience they were! Until now. Cause, you see, five of my closest crew from that era recently gathered at Cape George for a mini reunion! That group of six had not been in the same room altogether in 23 years. My anxiety tried to tell me to stay home; to come up with an excuse! But I fought that back and went. And I’m actually sitting here smiling, with tears welling up in my eyes, at the mere thought of that night!!

There is something to be said for being around people that knew you when you were young. There is something to be said about being around people that you don’t have to explain anything to; they lived things with you. We reminisced and we got caught up on each others lives…but we didn’t stay in the past! We talked about upcoming events in our lives and about capital gains (haha we didn’t discuss those things in our 20s)…and before we knew it, it was midnight! On a work night. The safety and security that I felt in that room with my old friends was something indescribable. The acceptance, the loyalty, the appreciation, the understanding. Do you know that feeling you get on Christmas Eve? When all the hustle and bustle is over and the house is quiet and all the preparations complete…you look out the window at the snow before you go to bed for the night and it just FEELS like Christmas (to quote the late great Gib Forrester). THAT’s as close to the feeling I felt at the Cape last month as I can explain…if you get the chance to unite with friends or family, take it! No matter how much time has gone by…you may be shocked at how much your soul needs it!!

My month of reunions doesn’t end there, however!! You know how things sometimes happen in threes? Well they did for me in this regard in August!

My oldest girlfriend is my parents’ Goddaughter, Val…we have been friends since the crib!! We have two other friends who have been in our inner circle – Jody, who lives in PEI who has been our friend since before grade primary and Heidi, who lives in New England who became part of our posse in elementary school. The four of us have never lost touch but we lost touch with us as a foursome! Covid brought us back together with random zoom and messenger video conversations and we look forward to the day when all four of us can get together! But last month, both Jody & Val came home to Nova Scotia and we spent a wonderful 24 hours together in Baddeck! Val had a lot of family stuff going on (stay tuned to movie screens near you! lol) but we still had time to just be with each other. The same old sense of home, with the unconditional acceptance of lifetime friends; lifetime friends that have become family. We have weathered marriages and divorces and children and infertility, adoptions and biological families, mental health issues, car crashes…woven so seamlessly into our lives with our ski trips and sleepovers and food comas and Girl Guides and playground days. As we recall in the tranquility of our 40s the lifetime of connection we have shared…it’s an overwhelmingly beautiful gift; this gift of friendship that has enriched our lives and tested our patience and had our backs.

Val’s week in Nova Scotia coincided with the passing of the Queen Bee of our neighbourhood. You see, Jody & Val weren’t just lifelong friends who have become family, but they were also my neighbours in the Interval growing up! Another member of the old school posse is Mark…and it was Mark, home from Fort McMurray to say farewell to his Mama, that rounds out the 3rd mini reunion of August!

I am a month and 5 days older than Mark. We walked to school together at least 95% of the time from grade primary through the end of grade 12. I learned to drive a bike on his old red bicycle! He came with us on family trips. I was his wingman before we knew what wingmen were! He was protective and reliable and just always there! There aren’t too many memories of growing up in the Interval that don’t involve Mark…and there are ZERO memories of growing up in the interval that don’t involve at least one of those three old friends.

In the busy-ness that inevitably follows a loved one’s passing, I had the opportunity to spend a few minute with Mark, his wife Jennifer and his two girls! Standing in the home he was raised in, it felt like time had stood still and had gone on fast forward all at the same time! We weren’t five years old anymore. We stood together with a lifetime of memories..in such a comfortable, safe space. We didn’t need to pretend our lives were perfect or amazing. We didn’t need to fill the silences with jibber jabber. Just like always, we were able to acknowledge the love of a lifelong friendship…with the mutual understanding that no matter what happens in life, we remember where we came from and we know who has our backs, no matter what.

Life has a way of showing you your blessings when you need them the most. While I struggle with the realities of a Mom with dementia, both Mark and Jody now have no living parents. This makes our friendships even that much more important! I have such good old friends that choose to stay connected and be connected and play a part in this one life I’m living. We ARE far more than just friends. We are family. Blessings abound. The next time a reunion rolls around, you can count me in…I don’t think I’d miss another one again! As the Beatles once so eloquently put it, “And I know I’ll never lose affection for people and things that went before. I know I’ll often stop and think about them. In my life I loved you more”

I wish for you all the wisdom of your 40s and beyond…to look back on the people and places that matter and the ability to reconnect! It’s so incredibly good for the soul!