Oh Thanksgiving weekend, how I love thee!! It’s an exceptional time of year – where the temperatures are warm in the day and just chilly enough in the evenings to inspire campfires! The leaves have changed to their beautiful fall oranges and reds. And it’s a time to start a slow-down. For someone like me, I embrace this time of year wholeheartedly! I wait for it! Despite being the beach’s number one fan…in this season of life, it’s all about fall!
Why, you may ask? It gets darker earlier; it helps me get my parents settled earlier. It helps us have their necessary quiet time at home before bed. If they miss it, someone is bonkers the next day or doesn’t sleep through that night. Routine. Care, concern, snugglefest time…it’s all a part of the holistic approach to the dreaded dementia disease!
I’ve written about my struggles, at length, here…but this is not what today is about. Today is about Thanksgiving! So I wanted to share some of the things I am grateful for!
First of all, since we were talking about dementia, I’ll start there…I am grateful for my incredible parents. Josie who is so gentle and kind; a friend to all children and every animal (even dogs, now, from a distance!!). She loves to dance; whether that’s in the kitchen, on the dance floor, on the side of the road or the grocery store! She is hospitable to a fault – always wanting to help whoever is around with food or drink or assistance of any kind!! She loves anything pink and sparkly; with purple a close second! She positively lights up when a new pink or shiny item appears from her closet! She is the keeper of the family photos. She “works” every single day, keeping those family memories alive. It’s her job to root through them and place them in various places around the house to remind us of our past; our family; and our heritage. She loves music right down to her toes! If a modern fiddler is playing traditional tunes, she can even name every one! She adores her sisters. She’ll tell you how smart Thelie is and how it just broke her heart that Thelie couldn’t go to school with her and openly weeps when talking about her time in Halifax as a girl. She tells tales of sassy Louise as a child – something that is so far removed from the Louise we know that it provides endless entertainment – but beams with pride when she tells of L getting away with sticking her tongue out one last time! Little Stasia (how she now refers to her sister Stasia, not to be confused with her niece), she tells us, always was so brave and knew just what she wanted! she loves her brother AA, at whose antics she shares while chuckling with admiration – I think maybe even he would agree that it’s with a lot more grace now than back in the day! hahah She loves her friends and will ask for them by name, whether they have chosen to stay in her life or not. Thankfully dementia robs her of the feeling of abandonment because she doesn’t know it’s been years since some have bothered to reach out. She loves drives in the country and Darryl MacLean’s Country Gold. She loves her cousins and hearing stories of them whether they live near or far. She loves to eat! Especially food that is bad for her…Freddy Kreuger himself could lure her away with a sparkly tiara and a Mars bar!! As she falls to sleep at night, she is smiling and talking to those I can’t see; if she happens to wake in the midst of that, she’ll beam at seeing my face and give me a big hug or kiss. No one leaves her house without a hug and the offer of a banana…and a big wave from the front window! I am grateful for every moment, even the hard ones, with this new version of my Mom. I know how lucky I am to know her and care for her and celebrate her even this far into her battle with dementia.
Carson is kinder and softer and more present than I remember as a kid. He was always leaving for this job or that job…and then later, on a jobsite somewhere. But now he lights up when I get there, waiting for me as one of the highlights in his day. I love how he tells me stories of people whose names he can’t quite get from his head to his tongue and looks to me to fill in the blanks, never stopping in frustration but continuing until the story is out! Even though it sometimes drives me bonkers, I love how hyper focused he gets on things even if it doesn’t pass the logic test. Like the outside thermometer I got him last Christmas. We used to have one that winter destroyed at some point so thought it would be a welcome addition. He debated for weeks where it would be erected; did NOT want my input or any help; and then one day I came home and it was attached to the kitchen window, inside the house, facing out. It would be about 20ish feet off the ground? Something like that. When I asked him about it, he said it was for the crows to know cause they’d want to know too. Then launched into a story about how smart they are (I am a fierce believer in the wisdom of crows). I love that he was excited about the birds but also that he was excited to share his thermometer! I love that he is showing a softer, more emotional side…when he talks about his only living brother, Al or if Brian has been away on the road a little too long. I love that his job has evolved into chief landscaper in Addington Forks and he took that super seriously all summer long!!! I don’t think I even touched a lawn mower the last two years. He seems to have abandoned his position a little too early in the season for our liking hahaha but I love that he has boundaries! I love that he loves the Blue Jays and how he will watch the same game 3 times in a day!! And still get excited when a homerun is made!! I love how he is so centred around Mom. They lived very busy but quite distinct lives …not like friends parents who did everything together; they were each very independent. Now, however, I love that they look for each other in a crowd; and are devoted to each other in a very different way at this stage; it is such a gift to watch and experience!
These two humans who likely thought of ME as a gift to them back in the beginning, are now such a huge gift to me!!! Sure my time, my energy, my money, my sanity; my all is there…but the gifts and the blessings from being with them outweigh it all and I am grateful.
I promise to not be so longwinded about the rest I’m thinking of today. It’s hard because so many people think they have no value now that they’re a little different than they were before this awful disease. But that’s simply not true. Different isn’t always bad; not every minute of the day.
The absolute best human who I get to share my life with is perhaps my biggest blessing! This life is NOT the life either of us thought we would be living when we talked about creating a life together. When you get married, you expect to share a life together; to have evenings and weekends together; and vacations and dinners out and overnights in the city and and and. But we are lucky to see each other at all most days. And what does he do? He steps WAY up! I always joke that I live in a magical house! I get home from my parents late at night, shower and crash into bed. There is food in the fridge and usually a plate of dinner waiting. The dishes are done. My lunch is made. My dirty clothes that I didnt’ think about after I tossed them into the hamper magically appear, clean and folded in my dresser drawers. Our beautiful baby Luis’s litter box magically is cleaned as is his fountain and food dish. He never runs out of food or litter. When I have a cough or a cold, his disgusting onion garlic tea appears out of nowhere to cure me. When I come home crying and broken, he reminds me of what a valuable experience this season of life is. When I’m ready to give up, he reminds me that that is my choice and he’d stand by me, but infuses me with belief to keep going if that is my choice. He shows up to my parents to clean clogged toilets (dementia is terrible for this…depends do NOT flush well); to fix hand railings; to repair the deck; to put the air conditioner in and out; to simply stop by with flowers and pie like last weekend! He is at the ready to help Dad with whatever crazy operation he decides on. And is Mom’s second favourite dance partner! He is also the caregiver when I am stuck and always makes everything seem easy and simple and fun, never a bother. He brings colour and music to my life. And isn’t afraid to tell me when I’m being an idiot. He embraces and adores my favourites – the cousters, the cousins, the friends, the brother, the sister in law, the nieces and nephews. He inspires me with his courage and tenacity; his work ethic and his positivity. He is my brilliant McGyver. And I am absolutely floored that I get to do life with him. How incredibly blessed am I!!
I mentioned my much loved brother and sister in law and nieces/nephews and I have astronomical cousters and cousins and sister wife and friends and neighbours in there…I’ve spoken at length about them in the past too. And will come around again…but I absolutely count them all twice when I am counting my blessings this Thanksgiving weekend!!
But I do want to take a minute to talk about two unsung hero friends who inspire and challenge and support in this new season who I haven’t talked about.
I first met Andrea at work and it took us a little bit before we each felt like we were friends outside work…she will claim she was intimidated by me but, dear readers, I would suggest it was the other way around!!
I’m not sure where to start in talking about her. I want to say she is tall and gorgeous because she is and we are conditioned to start with the physical. But I’d rather say she is inspirational and challenging and she makes me better. She always thinks she doesn’t have her shit together but, to me, it seems like she always knows the right thing to do or say! I am an absentee friend. When I don’t even get to see my husband or take a bath or paint my toenails, it’s hard to find time and energy to be with friends. People stop asking after awhile. Stop calling. Stop texting. It’s impossible to understand my situation without living it, i understand that. But not Andrea. I might go MIA for a month or two and she’ll pop up in a text or fb message with a meme or a quote that made her think of me. This summer, she understood how things were EXTRA bonkers from April til September. She always agreed when I would say we will get together soon, even though we knew that was a hope instead of promise. And what does she do? She shows up at my house with the beautiful crocheted turtle she made for me that you see in this post, with this note attached:
“You can let the waves knock you down, or you can ride them back to shore. Sea Turtle Wisdom:
~ Be comfortable in your own shell
~ Enjoy time alone
~ Keep moving forward
~ Sometimes you have to dig yourself out of a hole you didn’t dig.
~ Make time for the beach
~ Slow down
~ Age gracefully
~Everyday is a new beginning, take a deep breath and start again.
~ Slow down adn enjoy the simple pleasures of life
~ Accept what is, let go of what was, have faith in what will be
~ Just keep swimming”.
Andrea is that friend who once you’re in her circle, you’re always in it. She never stops supporting you or cheering you on or wanting what is best for you! She hears what I don’t say. I hope everyone has the chance to have a friend like her!! This Thanksgiving in particular, I am grateful for this amazing woman and this gift of friendship!
And before I wrap up my 2026 song of Thanksgiving, I need to tell you about Michelle. We have been friends for decades and neither of us has any idea how we ever originally met! Like everyone in my world, I don’t get to see her very often and I’m terrible at keeping in touch. But Michelle is the kind of friend that none of that matters! She is kind and thoughtful and generous and compassionate. She is practical and full of ideas and always wants to help! She has the corniest sense of humour and the most loving soul! Everyone knows I write my blog because it helps me sort through my thoughts and my emotions as I live this life. Michelle saw my last post as a call to action.
She reached out, heartbroken, after I posted about how alone I felt and wondered how she could better support me. ME. Not Mom and Dad. But what would be helpful to ME as I support them. I cried because the focus is always on them. But Michelle has this way of seeing through the chaos and of figuring out her way of being able to help. She works in the valley, traveling daily from the city. She has her own family, her inlaws, her partner, her cats and a very full life! But do you know what she spent her entire day Saturday of Thanksgiving weekend doing? Cooking. For me.
She landed at my parents house Sunday afternoon with a big bag of food – packaged in containers so that we can just haul out a container from the freezer, reheat and go! Lasagna, Beef and Barley Stew, Shepherds Pie, Apple Crisp…I was so overwhelmed at the kindness and generosity that I couldn’t speak. ME!! She was in a flying hurry on a day trip from the city to visit her parents. Yet took the time to come to me. She could have used her Saturday to spend more time with her own family, but she used it to support me in a way I didn’t even realize I needed. A true angel (and don’t even get me started on the bags and bags of clothes she has supplied over the years!!). I do not deserve her. But i am ever so grateful for her!!
Other rockstars this year in my world Kathy and Charlotte and Nancy and Joanne and Shannon and David and Kim and Big Joanne and Beema and Valerie and Rita and Jody deserve whole books written about them too and I’m only getting started…some are harder to write about right now because stories are still being written but God will let me know when it’s time, I’m sure of it.
I hope your Thanksgiving list of things to be grateful for is least half as long as mine. I hope you recognize each of the players in your life who bring meaning. I hope you get the chance to thank them, in your own way some day. It’s truly an honour to have as many people as I do who care about me, even when dementia makes me feel so alone…think of how much fun we are all going to have when my time is once again my own! I love you all and in a concentrated way today, I humbly thank each and every one of you! Such gratitude today and always. Happy Thanksgiving everyone and in the wise words of the turtle, always remember: you can let the waves knock you down or you can ride them back to shore!!
